Taken from those Crazy Kids at GU - The rules of being a Minimal hipster! Options
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Dan Harwood
Posted: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 9:52:03 AM

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Not one to be uncool and be in agreement with them, but, he's fairly spot on with most, if not all, of those observations.

Quote:
1. If you have some money to spend, feel free to bring lots of cocaine and ketamine. Don’t splurge it all on the actual party , as the after party is where you drugs count - expect to be feeding your favourite minimal DJ’s with tons of nose candy until late the next day. Be sure you can hang.

2. If you have a nice big flat and don’t mind it being temporarily used as a crack house, be sure to offer it to your favourite minimal DJ before he or she leaves their respected party - be aware that you will most likely have no say on who actually attends the after party, but rest assure you are on your way to becoming a minimal hypster.

3. The haircut is very important, although it is very important - you must not let this be the DEFINING aspect. For tips on hypster haircuts, check on the internet for the latest pictures of Magda - be sure the photo is hot and up to date, as this commandment rotates about every 2 weeks - by that time there is thousands with the same haircut.

4. Underrated but very serious in your quest to minimal hyperstardom is the minimal scarf. Normally used by French artists say to the world "hey I am an artist, shuchameblah" this is now a sure-fire way to let everyone else know - hey I am down with the minimal sound. Current minimal hypsters who sport the minimal scarf include Luciano, Ricardo, Richie, Magda, Troy and Marc Houle.

5. If you ever have the chance to meet Rich Hawtin, when talking with him - make sure you agree with everything he says and most importantly REPEAT. If you do not have the pleasure of meeting him personally, but have a friend who has - just repeat to everyone what your friend has told you he said. If they are a true minimal hypster they will surely repeat their whole conversation anyway. With people such as Troy Pierce, Magda, Ricardo Villalobos, Luciano, this same rule applies to a lesser degree, but still enough to get you on your way.

6. This one is very important, forget about your health and live for the moment. You must be willing to take as many drugs as your favourite minimal superstar DJ. As long as your are willing to party until the last moment on a broad combination of drugs all at the same time, such as Ketamine, Mdma, lots and lots of cocaine, speed, LSD and the occasional mushrooms you will surely be accepted and furthermore run the possibility of being admired. You can never imagine the power of totally ruining your body and mind in the conquest to being a minimal hype star.

7. This one is simple! Keep it superficial. Under no circumstances should you have a conversation with some depth or meaning. Recommended topics of discussion are haircuts, the newest minus record, how cool magda is, how much drugs Ricardo took the night before, how cool the current party is, and how amazing of a musician Luciano is. Just tell yourself over and over, this is not actually being superficial - it’s just being minimal.

8. Sex, Sex, Sex - in the minimal hypster world you should never expect to get laid before 48 hours of straight partying. Even if you have a special liking for that certain someone, keep in mind that if they too are an aspiring minimal hypster like yourself they will most definitely be at that after-hours, and where better place to get down to sexual business. (This is the time when taste, memory and morals are all flushed down the toilet) if you are a female, this is the time where you chances are highest of scoring with your favourite minimal superstar DJ, therefore immediately catapulting yourself into minimal stardom.(most of the time you will just settle for someone who knows Rich Hawtin).

9. Be sure to constantly read the writing of PHILIP SHERBURNE - he is the man who will always keep you informed on the newest and best hype on the internet. DO NOT EVER QUESTION HIS INTENTIONS OR MENTION THE FACT THAT ALL HE WRITES ABOUT IS HOW COOL RICARDO, RICH HAWTIN, MAGDA, LUCIANO, ROBAG WRUHME AND MUTEK CREW IS. He is literally the man to go to if you want to be fed with the minimal hype. Although it seems as if he is desperately trying to fit in and be accepted, everyone should realize HE HAS ALREADY BEEN ACCPETED. He just loves his role as minimal hypster so much that he wants to spread the love. As with Rich Hawtin the same rule applies to Mr. Sherburne, everything he writes or says AKNOWLEDGE, AGREE AND REPEAT.

10. THE MINIMAL CAPITAL OF THE WORLD BERLIN! If you wish to be a minimal hypestar, one of the easiest ways is to come to Berlin with no plan and frequent places such as the famous drug spots like bar25, club de visionarie and panoramabar. It is these locations in which your minimal fantasies become realities - expect to see people like Rich Hawtin, Matt John, Konrad Black, Troy Pierce and Magda totally out of their minds and much more easy to approach. It is here that you can forge those life long, superficial - I mean minimal relationships.

These rules are meant in no specific order - ONE MORE GOLDEN RULE! Don’t forget minus is the best label to surface in the last decade with its revolutionary stance on music. Almost as if they coined the term minimal.


Heres the link if you want to see it. Go on, I dare you to visit GU.
http://www.globalunderground.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=58874
The Bugged Out Egg
Posted: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 9:58:50 AM

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so these dj's like to get wrecked at afterparties and sometimes cut there hair?

well i can see why dave seaman and burridge arent minimal then. but dont they do the afterparty thing as well? derrick carter is know to get wasted as well. do people talk to derrick carter about more important things? or do they talk about how uncool luke solomon is?

a load of shite really that this crowd is getting picked out more than others because they particularly popular at the moment.

Dan Harwood
Posted: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 10:01:28 AM

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Its a load of crap really. Not a single mention of Shane Watcha.
The Bugged Out Egg
Posted: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 10:02:28 AM

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no mention of panorama bar either

cobblers
Dan Harwood
Posted: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 10:04:27 AM

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The Bugged Out Egg wrote:
no mention of panorama bar either

cobblers


You are obviously blind, Egg.; Check No.10
smallperch
Posted: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 10:15:52 AM

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Dan Harwood wrote:

10. THE MINIMAL CAPITAL OF THE WORLD BERLIN! If you wish to be a minimal hypestar, one of the easiest ways is to come to Berlin with no plan and frequent places such as the famous drug spots like bar25, club de visionarie and panoramabar. It is these locations in which your minimal fantasies become realities - expect to see people like Rich Hawtin, Matt John, Konrad Black, Troy Pierce and Magda totally out of their minds and much more easy to approach. It is here that you can forge those life long, superficial - I mean minimal relationships.
http://www.globalunderground.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=58874





Poached, scrambled , boiled, omlette, fried, egg fried rice, eggs benedict , eggy bread, butter squash with egg and bacon, creme brulee, easter egg, ham egg and chips, egg noodles, Bombay curry with boiled egg, margarita with ham and egg pizza, fried egg sandwich, egg salad, eggs n salmon, egg bagel, cod with poached egg, eggnog, dauphinoise sputniks.
ØMorken
Posted: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 10:46:25 AM
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The Bugged Out Egg wrote:
so these dj's like to get wrecked at afterparties and sometimes cut there hair?

well i can see why dave seaman and burridge arent minimal then. but dont they do the afterparty thing as well? derrick carter is know to get wasted as well. do people talk to derrick carter about more important things? or do they talk about how uncool luke solomon is?

a load of shite really that this crowd is getting picked out more than others because they particularly popular at the moment.




So true!

Why is it so bad to have a hair cut, or some cool clothes?
Dont most people in electronic music do afterpartys?
And the people who wrote this are the ones trainspotting, and always trying to talk to the DJ!


www.myspace.com/lunaflicks
chloe harris
Posted: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 11:06:18 AM

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i thought it was some writer from ny who is part of the minimal scene making fun of the minimal scene?

or is this different than that one that showed up two weeks ago?

chloe harris
Posted: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 11:09:31 AM

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yar. http://www.myspace.com/minimusmaximusminus

less credit to the gooer's imo.Bad Grin
Ren
Posted: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 11:12:52 AM

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i've said this before but that philip shurburne writes the biggest amount of bollox as well.

My Discogs sales..
chloe harris
Posted: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 11:27:27 AM

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http://www.philipsherburne.com/ i am learning the ways of cool.
leeism
Posted: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 11:35:16 AM

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Ren wrote:
i've said this before but that philip shurburne writes the biggest amount of bollox as well.


Do you know of any 'techno' writers - who are still writing - who do a better job? I don't agree with a lot of what Philip says but I think he writes pretty well, especially when compared to his journalist counterparts on UK magazines.
Ren
Posted: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 11:51:19 AM

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leeism wrote:
Ren wrote:
i've said this before but that philip shurburne writes the biggest amount of bollox as well.


Do you know of any 'techno' writers - who are still writing - who do a better job? I don't agree with a lot of what Philip says but I think he writes pretty well, especially when compared to his journalist counterparts on UK magazines.


geeta dayal ? writes for village voice, seattle weekly, the wire, wired, bookforum and even the new york times, and loads more ! far more accomplished in her writings. and she doesn't just confine herself to write solely about techno and how cool it is.

if philip sherburne is the only person writing about techno, it doesn't mean he is doing a good thing does it ? i don;t necessarily have to like his work, his topics or his writing style.

My Discogs sales..
Dan Harwood
Posted: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 11:54:55 AM

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chloe harris wrote:
yar. http://www.myspace.com/minimusmaximusminus

less credit to the gooer's imo.Bad Grin


The cheeky git, he didnt even credit the author.
Ren
Posted: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 11:55:22 AM

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and i don;t know about his journalist counterparts in uk magazines, but there are plenty of decent british writers.. blackown, gutterbreakz and drumz of the south - all blogs (i don't read magazines except wire) and all written very well.

My Discogs sales..
leeism
Posted: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 11:58:40 AM

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I think I've come across her before. Good call, I'll dig around.

I don't think Philip's doing a 'good' or 'bad' thing, particularly. It's his opinion, take it or leave it. As a journalist, I'm just interested in what other writers are doing, especially if they're writing about music that I'm involved with too.
Chewshabadoo
Posted: Thursday, August 03, 2006 8:35:16 AM
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Phil's been doing his thing for years now - I don't think he's jumping on a minimal bandwagon to be 'cool'. I always enjoy Geeta's writing too, but I think for bring 'spot on' with his opinions you can't beat Tim Finney's writing.

Generally, all sounds like a load of GU sour grapes to me. I do know that I'd have to have taken a pretty healthy dose of the drugs prescibed in that post to find the music championed by GU in anyway palatable.

Glock'n'Spiel: Cosmo Bar, Brighton. Sat 7th August. 7pm-4am with outside terrace | GLOCK'N'SPIEL soundcloud
dazza
Posted: Thursday, August 03, 2006 9:27:57 AM
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For someone who writes about dance music and is so highly rated, why for god's sake has it taken him 10 years to finally get the courage to go to Ibiza. Scared of DC10 is he. Can't take anything he writes seriously.

Daryl Stay :: My Groove EP :: Released 24th March on Poker Flat.

The Bugged Out Egg
Posted: Thursday, August 03, 2006 9:39:55 AM

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because ibiza isnt the be all and end all for dance music, even more so for techno. most of my mates are into techno and have been clubbing for years, the vast majority have never been to ibiza and never want to go.
Split-Personality
Posted: Thursday, August 03, 2006 9:58:38 AM

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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Spot on its the same with me, I guess starting off being into DnB has something to do with it.
smallperch
Posted: Thursday, August 03, 2006 10:02:07 AM

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The Bugged Out Egg wrote:
because ibiza isnt the be all and end all for dance music, even more so for techno. most of my mates are into techno and have been clubbing for years, the vast majority have never been to ibiza and never want to go.


Your right, its BerlinWink

Poached, scrambled , boiled, omlette, fried, egg fried rice, eggs benedict , eggy bread, butter squash with egg and bacon, creme brulee, easter egg, ham egg and chips, egg noodles, Bombay curry with boiled egg, margarita with ham and egg pizza, fried egg sandwich, egg salad, eggs n salmon, egg bagel, cod with poached egg, eggnog, dauphinoise sputniks.
louthy
Posted: Thursday, August 03, 2006 3:27:40 PM

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Poor man's Ubercoolische imo

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The bitterness of poor quality remains long after the sweetness of low prices
adz
Posted: Thursday, August 03, 2006 3:30:18 PM

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louthy wrote:
Poor man's Ubercoolische imo


Bad Grin defo.
goose
Posted: Thursday, August 03, 2006 4:42:19 PM
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louthy wrote:
Poor man's Ubercoolische imo


There is a real need for quality music played well here in Berlin. The people don't really express their discontentment and settle for what is on... They don't feel that their opinions count when it comes to lineups in clubs/parties/etc and which in the end play an important part (if not the most!)in the general atmosphere of a given party/clubnight.

The nights are usually made up of shifts of djs one after the other like in a factory taking no account of the entire night. It gets really boring not to mention frustrating. And believe me, Berlin (the public/clients) are not into minimal that much. Give them the best and they go wild!

All the above is my experience of course.Very Happy
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